Dr. Lake's Full Body Cleanse

Have you ever noticed that you are a FAT WHALE?!
SO many of us have!
Did you realize that this is due ENTIRELY to a massive accumulation of the toxins in the food we eat, the things we drink, and the filthy air we breathe?
Well, I did! And unlike so many other people, I dedicated my life to developing a new, revolutionary system to CLEAN OUT THESE TOXINS!

The Full Body Cleanse (FBC) must adress all three of the primary routes of toxin intake. Unlike most other cleanses, which remove toxins only from individual organs, the full body cleanse does more than just shift toxins around. We will address each of the three routes of toxin accumulation individually.

1) The "Food" We Eat

Many people go through life shopping at the grocery store and eating out at restaurants without ever realizing that THESE ARE NOT PLACES YOU CAN BUY FOOD! The so called "packaged food products" that these places peddle to unsuspecting children are little more than concentrated packages of toxins surrounding toxin-laced strarches and fats of no nutritional value! To combat this, one must intake nothing but the patented elixer which I now provide free of charge.

Food Elixer
2 liters of distilled, reverse osmosis, desalinated, ozonated, fresh spring water. (NOTE: The water must be cleaned in that order! Start wth fresh spring water, ozonate it to kill unsafe bactera, desalinate it to remove unhealthy processed salts*, use reverse osmosis to remove trace toxins in the water from acid rain and other man-made pollutants, and then distill the water to remove everything else.)
17.3 Tablespoons of royal jelly**
2.5 teaspoons of saffron pollen
16 tablespoons of key lime juice***
3/2 cup Vox vodka****

*Many people do not realize that the salts that cause high blood pressure and hypertension come from places like unconsecrated sea water! Do not make this mistake!
**NOTE: Some people may think that royal jelly is too expensive to make into delicious elixers. Do not trust them. These people have bought into the corporate lies that have created the obesity epidemic and only want to hold you down!
***Note: "Rose's Sweet Lime Juice" can be substituted to save money. (Not recommended
****Vox vodka is specially formulated with anti-toxin certified distillation techniques. Use of Grey Goose, or other INFERIOR vodkas will only reinforce the underlying buildup of toxins that you are trying to fight!

Place all of the ingredients in a blender with 2 cups of mountain river spring water ice. Blend until smooth. Portion this mixture into 19 individual, easy to imbibe, convenient 4.587 ounce servings. This elixer will be providing 100% of your daily nutrients. Be sure to consume at least 7 servings per day!

2) The "Liquids" We Drink
Most people go through life without ever pondering the horrifying ramifications of consuming only beverages derived from water or alcohol that was FROZEN DURING THE ICE AGE or MADE OF STARCH WHEN IN THE PLANT! Liquids that are derived from solid sources lack the inherent inter-molecular alignment necessary for proper toxin solvation! Refer to the following easy-to-understand diagram to understand the problem:

Water-Water-Alcohol-Water-Water-TOXINS-Alcohol-Water-Water
This is very bad! The toxins are not being carried away!

Water-T-Water-O-Alcohol-X-Water-I-Water-N-Alcohol-S-Water-Water
Note how the toxins are being broken apart and flushed away!

To solve this, one must specially prepare the liquids consumed to help flush away and break up the toxins.

Liquid Elixer
2 liters of distilled, reverse osmosis, desalinated, ozonated, fresh spring water
4 industrial strength magnets (must be capable of lifting at least 10 lbs together)
3 Tablespoons of Epsom salts
4 Tablespoons of Organic*****, certified sea salts
5 Tablespoons of all-natural, unsweetened aloe vera juice
3 packets of "Sweet and Low"******
1 liter of Vox vodka

*****Remember, non-organic sea salt will only add toxins to your body!
******"Sweet and Low" contains non of the toxic calories common in so many of our modern "alternative" food sources. ("Splenda" can be substituted if you have strong taste preferences.)

Place all of the ingredients (except the magnets) in a CLEAN blender. The magnets should be placed in a perfect square on the four cardinal directions of the magnetic poles of the Earth, equidistant from and 4.1 inches from the blender. (Do not believe the lies that the Earth has only one magnetic pole. Using a compass will CLEARLY SHOW east and west poles!) Blend until smooth. Consume all 3.1 liters in one sitting. The blending helps to orient the molecules during the mixing process.

3) The "Air" We Breathe
Most people know from experience that the air we breathe in today's industrial society is FULL OF polluants and other toxins! This is very hard to avoid, as the air SURROUNDS US AS WE GO ABOUT OUR LIVES! There are few things that we can do to avoid these toxins, therefore, extreme measures must be taken!

Air Elixer
4 industrial strength magnets (must be capable of lifting at least 10 lbs together)
4 pounds of Organic, certified sea salts (must be larger than a grain size of a 4 mesh sieve)
3 cups baking Splenda
1 300 Watt hot plate.

Combine the salt and Splenda. Mix well. Place the four magnets in a perfect square on
the four cardinal directions of the magnetic poles of the Earth, equidistant from each other, in a cast-iron pan. Cover with the salt mixture. Heat on full power. After the mixture has been heated, inhale deeply the purified air over the pan. The air should smell sweet, and faintly of Splenda to show that it is purified!

These three elixers, taken together, will give RAPID GAINS in health and alertness! Just look at these user testimonials:
FormerWhale45: "I lot over 15 lbs in just three days! Lake is a Genios!"

HealthNUT19: "The air elixer is the best. You can really feel the toxins coming out of you, and your breath tastes sweet for up to 20 minutes later! That's how you know it's working!"

TotalConvert2Cleanse: "I was skeptical at first. For the first few days, I wasn't sure if I was in the bathroom passing blood or just toxins, but after looking into the science, I realized that it could be both! I lost over 45 lbs on this system in under a month! And my 4 year old niece lost 5 lbs of pure baby fat in just two days!"

Skeptic@First: "You get used to the taste of Epsom Salts even faster than you get used to drinking that much Vox! Now I just can't stop! I can't even get out of bed anymore without downing 3 liters of Liquid Elixer! After 3 months on the system, I know that having no toxins is way more important than not having a job any more."