Sexually Harassing Lake Does Not Go Well

I am not a chatty person in the subway.  I don't like it down there.  I wear headphones at all times.  I have a mild case of bitchy resting face.  None of this makes me the life of the party underground.

But subway people are not always the best at noticing these subtle social cues.

A few days ago, I was walking along the track when a woman sitting nearby exclaimed, "Damn!  What is that?  A banana in your pocket?!"

My usual outfit is performance undergarments and loose pants.  That pairing is NOT the strategic choice for the sort of boasting she was getting at.  So I curiously peered down at my crotch to see what had gone wrong.

There was nothing unusual going on down there.  I concluded immediately that she was talking about my wallet.  I do have a large wallet.  It's a no-fold.  I have a lot of stuff in there.  But I keep it in my right pocket, which places it well away from anyplace that would invite tropical fruit comparisons.

I paused for a second.  In checking to see if I had somehow spilled out onto display, I had revealed that I could hear her just fine.  And she was basically being flirty, in a tasteless-yet-progressively-empowered woman sort of way.

So I did what any self-respecting person would do.  I grabbed my big, fat wallet through my pants with both hands.  I pointed it straight at her.  I grinned.  And I confidently declared, "Nope."

A look of absolute horror came over her, and she quickly looked away.

I don't blame her.  Playing sexual harassment chicken with me is... not for the weak of heart.  But...  What did she think was going to happen?  Did she actually think I had bananas to share?