Being a Good Audience

Working in the sciences enables one to encounter people unlike those found in any other profession. Their habits alarm many people who do not know what to expect. However, when viewed from a safe distance, these charming quirks can delight and amaze a diverse audience.

I would like to use this forum to provide that safe distance.

At the graduate level, it’s extremely common for people working in academia to attend large numbers of semi-formal, hour-long seminars on a wide range of topics. Audience participation varies from unashamed unconsciousness to lively back and forth with the presenter. Sometimes, though, it’s the props that make all the difference.

I recently had the opportunity to view one of the most creative forms of audience participation I have ever seen. I’m not sure why the person in question felt it was called for. It’s entirely possible that the person was just oblivious. But the effect was striking all the same.

To encourage you all to try this in your own lives, I will describe what happened in the form of a step-by-step guide:

1) Spend at least 10 minutes quietly staring at the presenter, as if encountering a new, alien species.
2) Ask a blunt, disdainful question. It should be vaguely on-topic, but need not have anything to do with the specifics being discussed.
3) Allow a few more minutes of presentation to pass.
4) Pick up the new, unopened package of Oreo cookies that you brought with you to the seminar.
5) Place the package of Oreos upside down on your lap, with the flat surface on your legs.
6) Open the package in the dead center of the large, flat side. (NOT at the end, like “normals” do.)
7) Upon hitting the plastic tray that the Oreos would normally be sitting in (you have the package upside down, right?), reach through the small seam you just opened in the plastic sleeve and begin trying to rip through the tray.
8) Try to avoid making it TOO obvious that you are attempting to drown out the offending presentation with the sound of shearing polyurethane. But yeah, totally try to drown out the offending presentation with the sound of shearing polyurethane.
9) When you do break through, do NOT make the tear too large. Tear it to be roughly the length of two cookie diameters.
10) Remove cookies, one at a time, through this small, shrieking, plastic hole. Stop while slowly eating each one while staring quizzically at the presenter. Then remove another.
11) Repeat until the presentation ends.

This technique can be used to express your displeasure with a wide range of situations that society forbids you from directly critiquing while in progress. Use liberally.