"Bunghole" Is Actually a Real Word

I did not find the sport of debate remotely intriguing in high school. Or college. And I rarely find it interesting in its most used forms, especially those seen on the news.

I argue that the reason is that I am too literal-minded. I have very little interest in debate about topics that cannot be proven one way or another. In such cases, I reduce arguments down to to which side appears to be advocating a position that would prove the debate one way or the other, esp. if their efforts appear even-minded enough to possibly prove their original idea wrong, thus allowing everyone to move on.

That sort of philosophy does not lend itself well to debate as a scored competition. Let me give you an example of a recent “debate” that I was forced into during my job.

Backstory: While most of my job is predictable, I end up with occasional random tasks that would otherwise never cross my desk. If everyone else in my building has failed to solve a problem, no matter how silly or simple it might be, it is given to me to decide. This recently reared its head after three people had failed to obtain a drum adapter that would allow us to transfer material into and out of a new style of drum. The project was simple. My manager said, “I am going to forward you about 15 emails from people trying to find an adapter for these drums. They all failed for reasons which may be good or bad. I don’t care why they failed. Here are all the adapters they have tried. Please be the guy who makes it work, preferably without sending me more emails.”

Anyway, I get on the phone with some people and discover a rich backstory behind how we arrived at the current debate. It would make for dry reading, so we’ll skip over it. I’ll just say that it makes it clear why so many people could be confident in a wide variety of opinions about a yes or no question (“Does this adapter fit?”) without being overwhelmingly a group of morons.

Anyway, I end up on the phone with a sales rep after narrowing my search down to a few possible solutions. See if you can spot why I should not enter debate tournaments.

Sales Rep: “The two inch bung (drum hole) size refers to a hole that’s two and three quarters of an inch in diameter.”

Me: “Really? Interesting. Let me check, since I have one right here. Hmm. No, this two inch bung is clearly exactly two inches, since I am measuring it right now. I do have one of your adapters that is about that size, though.”

Sales Rep: “No, that’s impossible. There are no two-inch bungs that are less than two and three quarters of an inch wide. That’s how you can tell a two-inch bung.”

Me: “I’m holding a two inch bung right now as we speak.”

Sales Rep: “No one makes those. Is it a foreign drum?”

Me: “[pause, as I decide that there is no reason to pursue that line of thought] Hmmm. Not sure. But hey, let’s talk about something else. I see that you offer three types of bung adapters for this type of drum. I notice the one we bought looks wider than this other one. How would you describe the diameter of [model number] in relation to that other adapter?”

Sales Rep: “The one you have is wider. [model number]’s are for smaller bungs.”

Me: “Please send me one of the [model number]s to try out.”

Sales Rep: “Is that for some other kind of drum you’re interested in trying to use instead of the foreign drums you have now?”

Me: “Yes.”