Clothing

Sometimes people are skeptical as to if I’m really an engineer. This doesn’t happen very often. It’s pretty much confined to people who don’t know any other engineers. There are many ways in which I am not a stereotypical engineer, but there are also moments when I rise to the head of the pack.

Right now, I am equipped with a black permanent marker, a red pen, a black pen, a flashlight, a tape measure, a 4” knife, both types of screwdrivers, a file, a small saw, and a heavy duty pair of pliers. I don’t use any of those things regularly for my desk job, but on days when I actually have to wander out into the bays for some reason, they’re often handy. Having all that equipment on hand is actually less conspicuous than you might think. I wear it every day at work. Sometimes I carry more.

At work, I rarely if ever put gel in my hair. It’s kind of pointless, because many times during any given day I have to wander into or through hardhat areas. My spike does not care for my hard hat. Regardless of if I have gel in my hair or not, the hardhat turns my hair into a wild topiary the likes of which would make Einstein proud. It’s excellent engineering hair.

Recently, I came to work in my white Sigma-Aldrich polo shirt. I spent 5 hours wearing it and walked past full mirrors several times without noticing anything unusual. Eventually, during an impromptu speech to five people on a little-known aspect of the control logic for our reactor heating and cooling systems, my manager asked me if I was wearing my shirt inside out. A quick glance down revealed that, sure enough, the buttons were on the inside of my collar and the SAFC logo stamp was nothing more than a confusing mess of threads from the back. I had, however, “unpopped” the collar to a correct-ish inside out position. After silently pondering how I had managed to not notice that at any point during the almost-over day, I looked up and asked, “Well, yes. Looks like. But would you rather learn about the DCS control logic from someone who has trouble getting dressed in the morning but knows exactly how the computer programming works, or from someone wearing a nice shirt properly who doesn’t know what a K-value is?” This got a few bemused smiles, but no one argued with the point. It actually works better in your head if you realize that the manager and myself were the only two people in the room wearing standard clothes anyway. All of the other guys wear white uniforms. Many times, they even wear these uniforms inside out on purpose to hide chemical stains. That lowers the bar enough that an engineer can get away with pretty much any fashion atrocity except one. I can’t show up to work in sweat pants. Since I was not wearing sweat pants, I was still the second best-dressed person in the room by default. Someone should call GQ for me immediately for pulling that off.

I think the point best proving that I am an engineer is that I have to stop and think why that suggestion wouldn’t work. (I can come up with the right answer, I just have to justify it to myself. Further, it sounds less clever than the fact that I can be second-best dressed in a crowded room while wearing a polo shirt inside out.)