Snakes On a Plane

So did you hear that an Egyptian man was caught trying to board an airplane with a bag stuffed full of 700 live snakes? It’s apparently true, if CNN can be trusted. (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/05/24/egypt.snakes.ap/index.html)

Of course, this comes as no surprise to me. As I sat through the recent Hollywood blockbuster on this topic, sending text messages to several friends while still somehow managing to follow the intricate plot, I was busy pondering the greatest philosophical question of our age. Specifically, “How could I make my life better imitate this apex of the arts?”

I’ll admit, all these months I had been stumped. But as soon as I read that CNN article, I was impressed by the man’s creative vision. His solution was perfect in its elegant subtlety. In order to truly know the experience of “Snakes on a Plane,” he was trying to bring a duffle bag full of snakes… onto a plane.

I am reasonably certain they hand out genius grants for this sort of innovation. Alas, the Egyptian officials, clearly Communists, did not see the underlying philosophical treatise and prevented the snakes/plane merger.

Any nation that would so brazenly trample such basic human rights is obviously a threat to our way of life. It is therefore only logical to redeploy our troops to Egypt immediately. It’s time to spread some democracy.

Some people will argue that Egypt is already a democracy, since its government is a standing republic and holds regular elections. However, we know for a fact that this is false because of the following:
1) A republic is not a real democracy. Duh.
2) Low voter turnout indicates the people have no faith in the system
3) Complicated mechanisms are in place to ensure that candidates are chosen based on factors other than ability or appropriateness, such as having existing pull in the government, or by nepotism.
4) Candidates who do not fall readily into expected niches have no hope of being elected, thus the government is static and can be compared to an almost hereditary rule.

From these four points, it is clear that, just like Iran, Egypt is a threat to the American government and way of life.

Ok, enough of that. I actually have to apologize for this blog entry. I haven’t had a lot of sleep this week, and I am literally nodding off at the keyboard. Looking this post over, it’s pretty clear that I let the topic drift for no particular reason, and never had any real plan to relink back to the original premise.

On the other hand, a quick glance up makes me think this might well be my most sarcastic post yet. It might just end up being hugely popular, even if I can’t remember writing it after I wake up tomorrow.