Another Day on the Job

Sometimes I think I tell these stories just to see if anyone will ask me if my job is real. I’m not sure if it’s reassuring or disturbing that no one has questioned it so far. If this is the first time the thought occurred to you, well, the stories really are all true.

Today, as I approached my building early in the morning, I noticed that my office window was completely fogged up. As in, it was opaque from accumulated moisture. I’m all for fogging up my office windows, but I prefer to be personally responsible when it happens.

As I walked further down the path towards the front door, I noticed that, sure enough, all of the windows in the entire administration area were similarly opaque. Quickly dismissing the possibility that I might be interrupting an all-hands orgy, I headed up the sidewalk.

Humming cheerfully as I opened the front door, I stepped into arctic tundra. The floors were slick with condensed water vapor. A thick chill hung in the air, oblivious to the summer heat outside.

I took a quick detour to my office and dropped off my things, then walked casually down the hall to the HVAC control room. (HVAC = Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning.) Pulling open a wall panel, I felt around for a strong breeze with my hands. Sure enough, the air-powered controls had blown several tubing connections, causing a pneumatic short in the controls. Taking a moment to use the whistling air jets to blow some accumulated dust out of the cabinet, then off my shirt, I reattached the blown connections, completing the circuits. The sounds of several control valves being thrown quickly followed as pressure gauges on the front of the panel crept from zero to 20 psi.

As I walked back to my desk, I announced to the office secretary that I had fixed the problem preemptively. Non-plussed, she asked if she could borrow my jacket again. I keep a jacket in my office year round, for the summer months. You know, the summer months when it gets cold in there. I said sure, made a hot drink, and sat down on my exercise ball, and began wiping the condensation off my computer monitor. (It was too foggy to read through.)

Not long after, I got a phone call telling me our 1980’s era systems control computer (which I am upgrading at present) had randomly forgotten its programming. Taking a stroll through the sweltering heat of the chemical staging area, back into the process bay control room, I discovered this to be a reasonably accurate summary of the problem. Reloading it quickly, I turned and headed back to the frigid arctic clime of my office to start the day.