Some of you may recall that, not long ago, I created a quiz to tell an unlikely story. In that story, I explained that I was experimenting with flavoring the coffee at work by adding unusual, aging spices from my pantry.
A small handful of people thought – as I did – that this was interesting and often delicious. (My company buys us Torke Coffee. The oft-stated opinion of everyone who works here is that the secret ingredient is tar. Adding spices to cover the taste is a big improvement.)
Most people hated this. I was accused of making tea in the coffee pot. When I explained to people that it was full strength coffee, but that it no longer tasted like ass, I was accused of devious lies. Confused, I asked these people if they really thought the coffee was too weak. Yes. Yes, they did.
Ok.
Welllllllllllll. I might not have found this to be the most reasonable argument. And as time went on, and I showed people that the coffee was obviously being made with as many grounds as usual, they still told me the coffee was too weak. I might not have been impressed by this either.
Eventually, my rational side teamed up with my mischievous side and decided that this had gone on long enough. One boring day, I decided to run a little experiment. It was noon, and I wanted to make coffee. I usually make coffee with seven scoops of grounds, plus spices. Then people come to me to complain how much weaker it is than the coffee I make with seven scoops and no spices.
I made the coffee with twenty-one scoops of grounds, plus three times as much spice.
I poured myself a third of a cup, topped it off with hot water, and went back to my office.
Half an hour went by. The building manager went home for the day.
Another half hour went by. Suddenly, without warning, the building secretary informed her computer that, “GUUUUUURAH! I AM NOT INSANE!”
Another half an hour went by. The sober, middle aged men in the lunchroom began to entertain each other with impromptu solo renditions of rock songs from the seventies.
Another half an hour went by. The secretary shouted at my office, “Hey engineer, this is really good coffee!”
I find it disturbing that stuff like this is how I most often get compliments.
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2 comments:
Let’s hope you don’t go beyond simply dispensing espresso-strength coffee to your coworkers. I’m so sick of my friends putting unexpected things in my drinks. I swear if we hang out again and I find myself in the middle of a field the next morning, I may have to give you a stern talking to when I find my way back.
It would be a well deserved talking to! In the middle of a field?! In this weather? I'd be a gentleman and rape you in the backseat of your car. C'mon now, I have class about these things!
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