Kiddie Porn From God

Yes, once again child sex is making an appearance in my blog. Before you start accusing me of having fetishes for this sort of thing, I’d like to deflect blame for this. 100% of the time, when I write a post about this sort of thing, it’s peppered with links to newspaper articles that set me off. It’s the media who has a boner for this sort of thing, not me. I just read these retarded (FRONT PAGE NEWS!) articles, shake my head, and get ready for another round of:

“Making fun of Morons!”

Before I begin, I would like to restate the two positions I have on this topic that make me a repulsive degenerate in the eyes of society. This will help you keep a clear head, because if you want to yell at me for being a degenerate in some other way, you’re probably misreading something I said. My two controversial opinions are:
1) It is illogical to assign a minimum age for legal sex based on geography (such as state laws). I have known (rare) pre-teens who were fully qualified to have sex and have also known (not so rare) people in their fifties who, despite having done it a few times, are still not ready.
2) Statutory rape is a heinous concept. While it is CERTAINLY possible and reprehensible to hurt a child (or fifty year old) by subjecting them to the psychological or physical damages of forced or manipulative sex, this damage does not always correlate to the age of the victim. A young nymphomaniac was not raped if he or she loved every minute of it, even if his or her parents would rather call the lover a criminal than their child a whore. (I’d actually vote that the parents shut up in this case, unless it was impacting schoolwork or something.) The victim is the only person who is qualified to tell you if he or she was raped.

Anyway, that’s not even that relevant this time, because in this case, I’d like to give a big old shout out of “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” to the accused adult in the article.

This rant is sponsored by CNN. Find this week’s reading here: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/30/rape.tape.girl/index.html

The laundry list of reasons this guy is a moron is truly glorious to behold. First, he is making news because he apparently voluntarily wandered into a police station. Where he was well known for being an unpleasant criminal. And then he declared, “I brought kiddie porn!” Then he showed the very-interested officers videotape proof that, yes, yes, he did indeed come bearing gifts of kiddie porn.

Second, the tape was not ambiguous like my examples above. This tape was of some freak raping a three year old. This does not fall under the umbrella of “things Lake might call gray areas.” This falls under the umbrella of, “things Lake would not recommend taking anywhere, let alone into police stations.”

Third, when asked where he obtained graphic kiddie porn, the guy declared that he found it in the desert. Yes, in the desert. You know, those huge wastelands of sand where you can’t take five steps without being attacked by a rattlesnake, stuck by a cactus, or tripping over the mounds of VHS tapes of recent child pornography. Much as Moses climbed the mountain to get the Ten Commandments, Darren Tucker followed the voice of God into the Nevada desert where he was provided with child rape tapes from on high. Truly that is an open and shut case there.

Fourth, when asked how long it took him to voluntarily turn in his sacred child pornography to the kind and understanding police officers, it slips out that he might have spent four or five months studying it in depth before he realized what it was. I sympathize with him here. I remember I thought I had watched “A.I.” about fifteen times before I caught on that I was not actually viewing the oft-reviled Spielburg film. Rather, I was actually watching an older film entitled “Sex Kittens. No Really. Kittens With Whom I Have Sex On Camera.” Blockbuster apparently got the two movies switched in their cases.

Fifth, apparently confused by the subtle nuances of the child rape scene, he invited over his buddies to view the tape with him in what is being described as “showing the tape to others” and “exhibiting pornography.” That’s a bit vague, bit I have images of a beer and pizza night where this tape is on TV instead of a football game. [Author’s note: I, in a near unprecedented act of reserve, have removed a joke I originally wrote here on the grounds that I deemed it too inappropriate. If you appreciate off-color humor, I am willing to send it privately to anyone who asks what it was.]

********OMITTED JOKE: Unless you're a fan of watching Northwestern football games, I have to imagine it would take a lot of beer to confuse a football game with a three year old girl getting raped. ********

Now, in a follow up section, I’d like to send a flaming shout out of “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” to CNN. This is more speculative, but the quotes CNN itself is providing here makes me feel I am justified. Let’s begin:

First, CNN reports, “Now seven, the girl [in the video] was found Friday with family in Las Vegas after thousands of tips poured in to police, thanks to an appeal by police to the news media to show the girl's picture.” Let’s assume the following:
1) Given the glaring video evidence, this girl was raped.
2) Since there are no hints of it in the article, presumably the girl was not declared missing or known to be abused otherwise.
3) Given that police were apparently running out of clues, the evidence suggesting the sexual abuse was ongoing was completely speculative.

In response to these three assumptions, I would like to offer a viewpoint that was apparently non-obvious to police and the news media. It goes a little something like this:
“The only thing that would suck worse than being raped as a child would be if police got hold of a tape of it. And asked for clips of it featuring me to be run on national television. Until the whole friggin world got an eyeful and managed to trace it back to me. Since apparently tracing it back to the rapist would be harder.”

I would like to state for the record that this girl has my deepest sympathy. I’d also like to state that I don’t know exactly why the police and CNN chose to handle this the way that they did. Maybe it really was driven out of well-founded and rational concern for the safety of the girl and a complete lack of other options to move forward. But given what I DO know, I am left thinking, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?”

And that's about all I manage to get out of this.