Drugs Are Bad, Mmmmk?

C’mon here people. I know New Years was fun, but the vacation’s over. Let’s get back to work here.

I think I may be bitter for some reason. It’s cold outside. That doesn’t help. But it seems to me that most of the people on Earth have not exactly been living up to expectations in 2008.

A lot of friends and family members have been inexplicably cranky, prone to expressing outlandish and questionable opinions, and behaving… unwisely. (I’m not talking about anyone in particular.) When I first thought of this, I said to myself, “Bullshit. You’re just in a bad mood. What’s up with that?” But then I asked myself a follow up question to prove it. I thought to myself, “What things have people done so far this year that were unexpectedly thoughtful, kind, or impressive?”

“Uuuuuh.”

That was when I got worried. Fortunately, the majority of stuff my friends and family have been doing is more odd than really troublesome. When we open this up to the big picture though, things get a lot more concerning.

I won’t even begin to discuss my thoughts on primaries in the US.

Discussing work related observations is similarly not interesting enough to merit cataloging.

A more interesting example has been people’s developing responses to the housing market meltdown. In simpler times, people would default on burdensome mortgages. This year, people have taken to trashing houses before turning the keys over to the bank. There have been reports of taking sledgehammers to walls and windows, and one creative man who locked live pigs in the house before vacating. This is not what I would describe as mature, responsible behavior.

But for even more fun, let’s be starfuckers and play the celebrity game. First, Brad Renfro dies. When I saw the headline, I was all like, “His age is similar to mine. What’s up with that?” Then I saw that he died of some sort of massive illegal drug overdose. Oh.

Now, Heath Leger is dead. Again, I saw the headlines and was like, “Goddammit, why is everyone in my general age range suddenly dropping dead?” Then I saw that he died of some sort of massive legal drug overdose. Oh.

Now for my favorite example. I don’t pay enough attention to the Britney Spears scandals to qualify as a true American citizen. I generally cynically assume that celebrity scandals are staged as career boosters. But then I saw this article:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,323271,00.html
Ok, there is exactly a 0% chance that the actions and physical conditions described in that story could boost anyone’s career. I hate to say it, but by the end, I was really laughing pretty hard at the subliminal imagery. The entire closing third of the thing describes an unusually long list of physical features, behaviors, attitudes, and defects that can all be described as “sticky.” It also made me want to take a shower.

I don’t usually ask what, if anything, people resolved to do during the new year. But if I might make a suggestion… It appears that a lot of people made one or more of the following New Years resolutions:
--Determine the exact limit to the amount of drugs I can take, give or take 500%.
--Be bitchier.
--Yell at or ignore people if I’m tired, or feeling busy.
--Publicly flaunt character defects.
--Accomplish a lot less. Or nothing at all.

These resolutions are complete. Many of us did a great job accomplishing them in record time. Let’s get back to business as usual!