“Same Thing, But Different”

Lately, I’ve been hearing a figure of speech a little too often. “Same thing, but different.” Are you familiar with it? People say it when they think they know a lot about a subject but accidentally call something by the name of something else that appears superficially similar.

I’ve been hearing it a lot at work, in reference to chemicals.

Perhaps I have a hearing disorder of some sort. My ears hear the figure of speech as stated. Similarly, my eyes can trace the words as framed by the lips of the speaker. I can see and hear them mouth the words, “Same thing, but different.”

However, by the time that message gets decoded in my brain, the line of thought that I perceive is, “I’m fucktarded!”

I’m not usually this harsh. But seriously folks. Let’s review. If you’ve worked in a chemical plant for years, you should have picked up on the fact that not all chemicals are the same. For example, sodium hydroxide and sodium bicarbonate. Same thing, but different, right?! Both are white powders! Both have sodium in their name! Sure, they’re the same. They’re the same in that sodium hydroxide (a strong base) will turn fats into soap, whereas sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) turns heavy cookie dough into festive, fluffy cookies in the oven. To me, that’s a little different. (This is a real example of what someone at work called the same thing but different.)

Let’s give another example. Propylene glycol and ethylene glycol (both are used as heat transfer fluids). Same thing but different, right!? Both are clear liquids with “glycol” in their names! Sure. They’re the same. They’re the same in that propylene glycol is the main ingredient in sexual lubricants, while ethylene glycol is a lethal poison. Let’s smear a little of both on our genitals and call it good, shall we? (Another real example.)

The expression only works if it’s used ironically, people. If you can’t tell the difference between talcum powder and rat poison, that’s your problem. But I don’t care to watch you scratch yourself all day as a result.